MrKimble.net

Summer is here, and the smell of malt liquor is in the air.  While technically, there is one more week of school left, the students of PS*** have decided that this is simply unnecessary.  Instead, they have elected the playing of practical jokes in its favor.  i.e.:

Sometimes, I take showers at school.  While scrubbing my armpits this morning, I noticed a peculiar fragrance emanating from my bar of soap.  Upon further investigation, this made total sense, as further investigation revealed that my bar of soap was no bar of soap at all, but rather a urinal cake.

I heard once of a prank where students decorated their teacher’s cars in toilet paper and shaving cream.  I’m not sure if our students heard of the same prank or not, but someone came up with the idea today that the faculty’s automobiles might look nice without their hubcaps.  Staff at PS*** do not concur. 

One of our humanities teachers is a seemingly lonely, big, fat, butt-ass ugly woman.  One student thought it would be funny to tell one of the local crackheads that she wanted to suck their dick after school.  It’s a good thing for Mace; otherwise he might have been wrong.     

Kids will be kids; who could blame them for wanting to have a little fun?  For the most part, their shenanigans are not guilty in nature and haven’t so far led to any fatalities.  All the same, if possible to prevent them, it is a teacher’s responsibility to do so.  I couldn’t help but overhear Dante bragging at lunch this afternoon about how he was going to supersoak our principal, Dr. ***.  As the period concluded, I summoned him to my classroom.   

He was impatiently aggravated as he pulled out a chair to sit down.  “What you want, Mr. Kimble?”

“I heard about your little plan, D-Drizzle.”  I looked him in the eyes and shook my head.  “Don’t do it.”

He responded with a threatening glare.  Headlines flashed before my eyeballs – ‘Mr. Kimble shanked 104 times by grouchy student’.  Dante shook his head and said, “What you talking about, Mr. Kimble.  I ain’t got no plan.”   The word, “plan”, was emphasized to the point of salivary projection.

He’s a natural leader, Dante.  Like Napoleon, but not in the complex way that malgened Italians have so eagerly taken to.  Dante is like the Napoleon that led France to dominate Europe in perhaps the country’s only era where being French might not have been embarrassing.  He’s cool; kids look up to him.  He’s never really showed me much notice in the past, but perhaps today I could win him over. 

“You know, I was a bit the prankster myself back in the day.  John the Menace, they used to call me.”  I sighed, and took a short moment to reminisce.  “I drove the teachers wild.  Regular Herman Melville I was.”  I don’t know why I said this.  It sort of just slipped out.  There was no need to worry though; Dante thought George Bush was a type of tree.  “Yes, I’ve done it all.  The supersoak, though, now that’s a classic move.”

Dante’s face contorted.  His guard opened up.  “You been dip dap done supersoak dem hoes?”  Sometimes, I just have no clue what these kids are saying. 

“Oh hell yeah, you bet.”  This is where I get to be cool.  My plan is working marvelously.  “I was the king in my day.”

“Fo real, Mr. Kimble?”

“Shit yeah!  Hell, I used to get my mom once a week.  You see, what I’d do is I’d hide behind the pantry.  Then, when my mom would open it …BAM!!!  I’d soak that sucker.  She acted like she was upset, but really, I could tell she loved it.”

Dante looked a bit shocked.  He was surprised at how cool I used to be.  He thought I was just some boring teacher, but really, we had a lot in common. 

“Mr. Kimble, that’s nasty.”

Months of living in the hood has left me well versed in Ebonics.  This is a compliment of the highest degree.  I have gained Dante’s trust; he will now listen to me.

“Yeah, it is pretty nasty, I’ll be the first to admit.  But you’ve got to be careful, D-Bones, because you can’t just go around shooting anyone.  Some people don’t take it as such a joke.  These sorts of things need to be reserved for after school.  And really, you shouldn’t go around getting anyone other than your closest friends and family.”

…What?  I don’t smell anything.    

From Urban Dictionary: